I had a down day last week. I have such a blessed and prosperous life so it seems unlikely that I should ever whine about one or two bad days, but it does happen now and then. I think it’s poor of me to complain about it too. I tend to not advertise or lean on others whenever it happens yet that’s probably the best thing to do. I spent the first part of that day just praying and evaluating what was going on in my life. What brought up those feelings? I made myself admit what I was feeling to Patty and one or two of my closest friends. To isolate is the worst I could do even though that’s what I preferred. It’s very easy to sink into despondency and withdraw. I had to work though it gently.
What brought it on was an accumulation of decisions that had to be made during my landscaping and pool remodeling projects that began on Monday. By Tuesday, it hit me. I was sinking. After searching for the reason that I’d lost my inner peace, I found that I had too many irons in the fire – too many abstract but important decisions to make on the fly. I had those two major projects, but I also had an air conditioning issue that continued to be unresolved, a dance event project and about a hundred other repair jobs in the planning stages. I was stretched too thin and my ability to make firm decisions was fading.
I wasn’t depressed. I wasn’t having an anxiety attack. I was just over burdened. I had to pull back into a self protect mode. I had to back off. I needed to stop the world for a minute and regroup. I was experiencing anger, frustration, disappointment and mixed up expectations. It took a while to figure all that out though.
I took a nap, then tried to stay peaceful for the rest of the day. No alcohol. No fast foods. No lashing out. No accusing others or blaming. Just prayer and reflecting on what brought that sinking, melancholy feeling on.
I didn’t feel like going out of the house, but I went to a seminar with Patty anyway. I called my mom and got caught up on her life and her worries. I went to dance class Thursday and finally began to pull out of that funk I was in. Friday, I had to go to work and I was forced to stop thinking about my misery and go external in my thinking. I took a long nap afterwards too. I got myself to bed early all week too.
Finally, by Saturday, I was back on my feet. I’d held off any major decisions and made sure I stayed rested. I made sure to avoid confrontations. I worked hard to keep stress low and give peace a chance to return.
Finally, Saturday peace and physical energy returned. Patty and I went dancing and made sure we spent lots of time together being tender and sweet to each other.
I just felt I owe it to my friends who make those utopian comments I often hear about me ‘living the life’. As wonderful and rich as my life is, I still have struggles just like everyone else. I just usually don’t like to talk about it. I waited until it passed before I did.
Today, it’s just Patty and me together – loving, cooking, hugging, kissing, singing and kitchen dancing. We’re staying home all day and wrapping ourselves in the comfort of each other.
Down days suck. But, for every up, there’s a down. Today, the wave is on the up again and life is lighter and delicious.